Focus on Your Circle of Control - Change Everything
A mental model for taking back control of your life
For years, I found myself investing an immense amount of energy into concerns that yielded little or no progress in my personal growth. I fretted over matters beyond my control, shouldered burdens that didn't belong to me, committed to obligations I couldn’t keep up with, and attempted to resolve issues for others without being asked.
The irony is that none of these actions contributed positively to my circumstances. It was exhausting.
Enter the mental model, a simplified and structured way of understanding how something works.
Early in my career, I encountered the concept of "The Circle of Control" during a leadership training program. It was then when I began to gain insight into this self-defeating pattern.
Over time, I’ve expanded this concept into a mental framework that has since become an essential tool for finding tranquility, focus, and renewed commitment to the aspects of my life that truly matter.
What is the Circle of Control?
In essence, this model represents interconnected yet distinct areas of your life – the inner circles (things within our direct influence) and the outer circles (matters outside our immediate environment).
By recognizing where our efforts and energies are best spent, we can learn to let go of needless worries and channel our resources towards meaningful growth.
At the heart of this mental framework lies the Circle of Control, the things in your life you have complete sovereignty over:
Immediate Environment: Cleaning your living space, organizing your work area, and cultivating meaningful relationships.
Personal Development: Skill acquisition, professional growth, and continuous learning.
Health: Nutrition, physical activity, sleep, and self-care.
Finances: Effective income management, saving, investing, and debt reduction.
Mindset: Our reactions to external stimuli and shaping our thought patterns.
Circle of Influence
Surrounding your Circle of Control is the Circle of Influence. Here, we find:
Creativity and Expression: Sharing ideas, producing content, and engaging others.
Behavior Modeling: Inspiring the choices of loved ones and peers through your own actions.
Opinions and Perspective: Shaping societal discussions and influencing public sentiment.
Cascading Effects: The subtle ripple effect of our actions. For example - how purchase decisions change business priorities and votes shape governance policies.
Circle of Concern
We have no control or influence over anything within the Circle of Concern, yet by fixating on them, we can negatively impact our emotional wellbeing and distract ourselves from our personal growth journeys.
External Events: Societal issues, global conflicts, economic shifts, environmental crises, cultural norms, and cosmic events.
News and Media: Information that can generate stress, anxiety, worry, or anger as much as it can inspire and elate.
Other People: Their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behaviors.
Circle of Awareness
Inside the Circle of Awareness are things known to us but we are emotionally detached from. These could be mundane facts like gravity, the time of day, or the rising of the sun.
It can also include more personal information that concerned you in the past but have since shifted into a state of neutral acceptance. For instance, the old emotional wounds from a childhood bully that have long since scabbed over. Though you’re aware of the pain it once caused, recollecting it now comes with a multi-dimensional perspective and a sense of understanding and compassion.
The Abyss of Ignorance
Ultimately, beyond all of our awareness, concern, and control - is the infinite abyss of ignorance. The universe is gargantuan, holding far more information than we have capacity in our brains to comprehend.
Each day, our circles of awareness expand into this abyss, broadening our perspective. It is here where we have the power to integrate what we discover into our spheres of influence.
We get to choose how we interpret this knowledge and act on it. My hope is that most of us choose with compassion, grace, forgiveness, unity, and love.
What I Learned
The more I invested attention, time, and energy into my circle of control, the more positive change I experienced in my life. This expanded my Circles of Control and Influence.
Simultaneously, my Circle of Concern contracted. I realized that worrying about things I couldn't even touch was a complete waste of my time. Besides, I was too busy kicking ass and enjoying life.
The more I fixated on my Circle of Concern - soured relationships, politics, media narratives, etc - the worse I felt. It seemed at times like some unhealthy cocktail of anger, sadness, fear, and judgement - emotions that don’t sit well in the body. Unplugging from all that noise brought me unparalleled peace of mind.
You can’t control anyone. The more you try, the more it will backfire. Every individual has the sovereign right to make their own choices, even if they’re choosing something destructive. That’s their path to walk and lesson to learn. Finding acceptance and compassion in that truth was paramount to finding stillness within.
Infinite knowledge (rapidly expanding the Circle of Awareness) is an interesting concept, but at what point does it become overwhelming and no longer useful or relevant? I’ve found that the blind pursuit of knowledge without any practical action or heart-driven purpose has its risks. It’s no fun pontificating and judging when you can be out there making a tangible difference.
Perspective is everything. No matter what event transpires, what disturbances come your way, what actions you take, it is how you interpret that information that will impact you the most. Your perception and the story you create around it shape your belief constructs, emotions, and overall well being. Master your mind, master your reality.
Taking Back Control
Applying the Circle of Control involves regularly assessing your thoughts, feelings, and actions against its principles.
When faced with a challenge or distraction, ask yourself: Does this issue fall within my Circle of Control? If not, consider letting it go and focusing instead on nurturing the relationships, goals, and personal development opportunities that lie within your inner circle.
It may be a useful exercise to draw your own circles and start filling out each section with the various activities and ruminations you find yourself stuck with. It may reveal to you some interesting insights you weren’t fully aware of.
I hope this concept helps you discover a newfound sense of calm, purpose, and resilience; as it has done for me.
Perhaps it inspires you to prioritize your wellbeing and happiness above all else – because when we are at our best, we are better equipped to make a positive difference in the lives of those around us.
What mental models do you use to reframe your life?
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What I’m Doing This Week
Gratitude
I’m grateful for Mother Earth and her ability to feed, heal, teach, and nurture us all.
Lesson Learned
Inflexible expectations lead to suffering - let them go and embrace the blessings of the present moment.
Listening to
Memories by Follin
Watching
Gregg Braden is an accomplished polymath and is able to comprehensively address a wide range of esoteric topics from a scientific and pragmatic lens. A fascinating discussion bridging science and spirituality - addressing the rapid advance of technology, what it means to humanity, and our origins as a species.
Reading
Jen Hitze’s writing is on point as usual, with an excellent perspective on the evolution of the creator economy. I agree with her that the shift towards a patronage model is where things are headed, and that’s a good thing.
I also believe that web3 will play a critical role in opening up even more avenues for value creation & empowerment of individual creators. I’ll write more about this technology and how we can leverage them for a more equitable and abundant economy in some future posts.
Self-care
Meditation, dry needling, reiki, biking, ocean, swimming, nature, dancing, float tank, sunlight
Epictetus teaches us that the chief task in life is to focus on that which is within your control, but you take this one step further by giving us the tools we need to make that call. Thank you for the insightful read and share!
Also, I've never heard of dry needling but I'll have to check that out!