Pain, Shame, and the Future of Humanity
Deconstructing old beliefs to move forward
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“Please help, please help, please help” was all I could muster, silently pleading to anything in the universe that could grant me mercy.
January harbored a harrowing journey for me, mired in extreme physical, mental, and emotional agony. Yet in the depths of misery, I was simultaneously aware of the transformation I was experiencing - a baptism by fire.
Profound teachings and insights materialized before my eyes, like stars appearing in the twilight sky. Compelling me to reckon with my deepest wounds and foundational beliefs.
I’ve needed to sit for days on end in meditation, processing each truth.
The following reflection is one of them.
Discussing the Future of Humanity
Despite the pain, I held my commitment to run a workshop for a W3B event (video recording embedded below). W3B is a student-run non-profit dedicated to fostering education and innovation in AI and blockchain technologies.
My aim was to:
Illuminate the emerging trends driving change in technology and society
Highlight essential skills required to navigate this evolving world
Offer a message of hope to the future leaders of tomorrow
Facing Shame
It’s been a while since I’ve done any public speaking. I didn’t get to prepare much, for reasons alluded to above. I can see how out of practice I am, but I’m glad I did it.
An old version of me would have watched this video and felt an immense amount of shame, scrutinizing every flaw and imperfection. He would cringe at my nervousness as I stumbled over my words. He’d feel disappointed in the lack of confidence, eloquence, and flow. He’d be angry that I didn’t invest the time to hone my presentation with absolute precision.
As I watched the video, I could sense this critical voice inside, tugging at the threads of my fear and doubt. Threads that weave into a shadowy cloak that has been draped around my neck and shoulders all my life. Coaxing me to hide away from the eyes of others.
My shadow would whisper, “you’re not good enough”, suggesting I reject any further offers to speak. Tempting me to wallow in the fear of being judged, punished, laughed at, ignored, and abandoned.
I recognize that part of me, the perfectionist that is too afraid to look bad in any way. A child who was beaten and ignored - whose survival response was to never make a mistake and never be a burden.
I see that young Jeremy and I acknowledge his pain. It’s time for him to rest and let go.
Letting Go of Fear
What am I truly afraid of? Criticism? Rejection? Diminished reputation? I can control these things as much as I can control the crashing of ocean waves or the slow dance of clouds.
The futile attempts to do so throughout my life have only brought me suffering. It’s time I learned my lesson.
I’m done trying to be perfect all the time. I’m done letting fear force me to abandon things that are important to me - the pursuit of joy, the desire to authentically express myself, the call to make an impact. I’m done hiding who I am and what I believe in.
It is a misery I choose to carry no longer.
So What Does Matter to Me?
To inspire a single individual to perform a solitary act of goodness.
To challenge old beliefs that are holding us back from our true potential.
To share ideas and co-create things that improve the world.
To connect with people that want the same.
To give a damn about doing the right thing.
To show up every day trying my best, even if I fail.
Where is the part of me that sees me trying? Who has compassion for the messy process I’m going through, and understands that I won’t always get it right. Who is proud that I’m putting my heart out there and taking a risk to be seen.
Where is the part of me that loves me for who I am unconditionally? That’s who I’m searching for. That’s who I want to embody.
I hope we all get to reconnect with that part of ourselves in this journey we call life.
I hope this recording, if you so choose to watch it, stirs something beautiful and powerful inside of you.
If not?
Well, I suppose I’ll get to try again at some point.
What I’m Doing This Week
Gratitude
I’m grateful that the school of human experience is so rich in darkness and light.
Lesson Learned
Know your needs, release the shame around them, and be considerate on how you communicate and tend to them.
Listening to
Even in the Dark by Cape Francis
Watching
Reading
How enterprises are using open source LLMs: 16 examples
Self-care
Meditation, accepting help, fascia work, reiki, hot baths, nature, sunlight, fasting, dieta
Hello, Jeremy, I'm thankful for you sharing this article in our group because, just like how my intuition nudged me to read (as I replied there, the intersection), now that I looked up a bit on your articles and w3b, there is a lot we can talk about and collab. I'm also a blockchain and AI explorer, and in the research process about the future of the economy (not humanity, yet, but I'm addressing a big chunk of the culture there). A new subscriber here :)
I saw you firs time, talking @ W3B and to me, it was the highlight of the day.
I even took screen-shoots of your presentation, because I found them to be inspiring.
You appear to me as decent public speaker. Note that my skills in this area are quite average - so I cannot differentiate what distinguish decent with great.
But with everything, everywhere, I guess this has to be practice, and feedback - please don't stop doing it.