3 Hidden Treasures From Being in a Big Family
The roots of our family tree form the branches of our communities
I dedicate this post to my Tita Chelet, who is currently in the ICU. We love you always.
I’ve always loved the idea of community. Human connection, shared experiences, cherished memories, camaraderie, cooperation, play.
Through all my phases in life, I’ve gravitated towards some form of it—or when lacking, built it myself. Whether it be teams at work, volleyball crews, gaming friends, companies, or a solarpunk farm; community is everywhere in my life.
I’ve come to realize that at the root of this desire is my experience with my family.
For the holidays, I traveled back ‘home’ to New York and New Jersey, revisiting my childhood and early adulthood. The trip reminded me of the importance of family and the profound impact they have had on my life.
We Dela Rosas are a sprawling collective of Filipino heritage and mixed cultures, spanning four generations of Tito’s, Tita’s, cousins, and grandchildren.
Our reunions are epic gatherings of 60+ people, packed with food, laughter, complex logistics, silly games, and endearing traditions.
Each year is a confluence of souls: we welcome new smiles, return to familiar faces, and honor the dearly departed. We grow, evolve, and change - bearing our heartbreaks and triumphs together.
But with my family, one thing always persists - unconditional love and acceptance.
It doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, what decisions you’ve made, what your life circumstance is. You are always welcome, always cared for, always valued.
I find few things in life more precious than that.
1. Love Can Heal the Deepest of Wounds
In my darkest of days, the unexpected embrace of my family's love was a bastion. The year after my divorce, I traveled to our annual Christmas party alone. My daughters were just 1 and 4 years old. With one hand, I pushed ‘B‘ along in her stroller, while I pulled a large luggage in my other. ‘M’ was strapped to my chest on a carrier, with an overstuffed backpack and diaper bag draped over my shoulders.
A number of strangers came up to me and called me superdad, cooing at my kids. The compliments fell on deaf ears because all I could feel was dread. I was afraid of facing judgement, feeling shame, being questioned about how my seemingly charmed life had imploded.
I arrived at our family party and held my kids close to me, bracing for impact. Then… nothing happened. I was greeted with smiles. I was embraced. I was left in peace. It was the familiar joyful connection I’ve always had with my family.
It meant everything to me. It healed a wound that I never realized I had - a self-imposed pressure to constantly project a perfect version of myself. The truth? Those expectations that everyone had were mainly my imagination.
Most people really don’t care if you’re perfect or not. The wise ones know that it’s an impossible ask. But they do care that you try. They care simply because you exist as a decent human being.
That is unconditional love, and that kind of love can mend the deepest of scars.
2. Memories are Priceless
Our family has spent many decades intertwined, building a treasure trove of memories, values, and customs. My dear cousin, ‘C’, lovingly crafted a video compilation filled with photos, thousands of memories of our sprawling family tree. What a gift it was to share with us.
We witnessed nearly 70 years of familial evolution compressed into an hour, mixed with nostalgia, surprise, joy, grief, awe, gratitude, and pride. The screening was a cascade of emotions and a vivid reminder of our interconnected stories.
It was a wonder to behold my relatives in so many states of evolution, juxtaposed with their present selves. Understanding how our stories have unfolded, seeing our life experiences stacked on top of each other, knowing that more twists and turns lie ahead. It was a beautiful moment, I could feel the loving energy pulsating throughout the room.
There is something precious and priceless about shared memories and lives intertwined. In it we find our legacy, and an eternal bond that time cannot erode.
3. Modeling Greatness
From a young age, I’ve been surrounded by the best possible role models. My generation was the first to be born in America, all of our parents having immigrated from the Philippines.
They transcended a life of extreme poverty and each built a thriving community in a foreign country. The untold adversities they overcame never ceases to inspire me.
I’ve witnessed immense sacrifice from and for the elderly. By observing my relatives, I’ve learned the value of responsibility, discipline, and hard work.
I’ve come to respect and admire the subtle power of matriarchal leadership. I’ve adopted unwavering grace and selfless giving because I’ve received it so much from my family.
Roots of Life
I believe that family is the foundation upon which we build a model of relationships. Our early childhood experiences teach us core beliefs and values that persist and inform so many aspects of our lives.
It’s so important for children to grow up in loving, supportive, and accepting families. Filled with inspiring leaders, flawed and beautiful characters, entertainers who make you laugh, and guardians who pick you up when you fall.
Families come in all shapes and sizes. I’m forever grateful for how much my family has shaped me into the person I am today.
I sincerely wish that everyone in this world gets to enjoy the unconditional love, safety, and joy of family. Even if it be just with one person, one pet, one plant. It is one of the loveliest and most precious connections to experience.
As I navigate life, I strive to spread the love and lessons my family has gifted to me - to infuse joy into my relationships, my teams, my communities, my creations.
I wish for the world to understand and feel the truth - that all of humanity is just one grand family; deserving of safety, love, and happiness.
What I’m Doing This Week
Gratitude
I’m grateful that I have everything I need, I am who I want to be.
Lesson Learned
No matter what your place is in the ‘status game’, you are worthy of respect and love.
Listening to
Over The Rainbow / What a Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
I love you Tita Chelet, Armand, Tita Rory, and Tito Mandy ♥️
Watching
A relic of a bygone era, this is a cult-classic 90’s sci-fi action flick, packed with profound hidden truths. (Tip: go for the unedited original version)
Reading
Open science for AI 👍
Self-care
Family time, naps, sleep, nature walks, push-ups
So beautiful and timely, thank you!